Where Were You in 1908?

Since it's an off night for the World Series, I thought I'd write a little bit about baseball tonight.

Not too long after the Yankees had clinched a spot in the 2009 World Series - while commemorative hats were being donned and on-field celebrations were taking place, in fact - Ken Rosenthal started off his interview with Yankees captain Derek Jeter by saying, "Derek, the Yankees haven't been to the World Series since 2003, and you haven't won since 2000.  How does it feel to be back?"

It was at this point that I started to feel the overwhelming sense of relief that Yankees fans all over the country must be feeling.  There have been 5 World Series played without the Yankees!  What the heck?!?  How did this happen?  The Yankees must not be spending enough money!  No... no that's not it.  Whatever the answer is, it must be wonderful to be back after such a long time.  And the last time they were there, they lost to the MARLINS (I know what that feels like - Bartman!).  I'm just glad that all those 5 year old Yankee fans will FINALLY get to see a World Series now!

If you can't sense the obvious sarcasm so far, you're probably also one of the 5 people who was surprised when Lance Bass came out of the closet (the other 4 being all the members of *NSYNC except J.C. Chasez - he knew...  didn't you, J.C.?).  Anyways, I'd like to recap the monumental (or not so monumental) things that have happened since the Cubs last won the World Series.  Please see the list below.

• First, let's get a feel for what the social atmosphere was like back in 1908.  From www.fsmitha.com, we get this quote, "At the turn of the century, three quarters of the states forbade married women to have property in their own name. In these states a woman's property became her husband's upon marriage. In a third of the states, a woman's earnings belonged to her husband. And in all states except Wyoming, Utah, Colorado and Idaho, women were not allowed to vote...  Women active in the suffrage movement were described as neurotic, as suffering from an urge to imitate men, as hysterical or as homosexuals. It was argued that with their big sleeves, women would be able to hide numerous ballots and vote more than once."  I personally find those last two sentences hysterical.
• In 1912 The Titanic made its maiden voyage.  Since then, approximately 25 movies have been made about this utter failure, and thankfully only Rookie of the Year has been made about the Cubs utter failures.  Supposedly all we need is a medical phenom kid and one of the bad guys from Home Alone and we'll go all the way.  Somebody call Jim Hendry, quick!
• Since 1908, almost every single type of music has been created except classical and this type right here.  Think about that - EVERY GENRE of music has been created.  I mean, Rachmaninoff was contemporary, hit music in 1908, for goodness sakes.  The number one song when the Yankees last won the World Series... "Come on Over, Baby".
• Since 1908, almost every single electronic device has been invented.  Only 8% of American homes even had electricity in 1908.  MA!  MA, DON'T FORGET TO TiVO THE CUBS WORLD SERIES GAME!  MA?!  MEATLOAF!  NOW!
• Since 1908, almost every single style has changed - especially this one here and this one here.  Watch out for those ladies and their big sleeves!  They'll vote more than once!  (for reference, here was the style in 2000 - why, jnco? why?!)
  
• Approximately 500 people from 38 countries have been into outer space since 1908, including Harland Williams who went to Mars in one of "the funniest movies I've only seen once."  I remember thinking that this movie was hilarious when I was younger, and I haven't seen it since.  I have no idea if I would still think it is funny... maybe I should buy the Collector's Edition on Amazon!  Harland Williams autograph inside - NO WAY!
• 253 episodes of Scooby Doo have been written, drawn, cast, recorded, and broadcast since the Cubs last won a World Series - all 253 of them WITH THE SAME PLOT (it was the Janitor?!).  Along those lines...
• Americans have gotten a lot stupider - as evidenced by this video.  Go to the last 2 minutes of the video and watch the segment with the African-American family...  The rest of it is pretty good too.
  
• Since 1908 there have been 3 World Wars...  wait.  Wait, what?!  Hang on, I'm just getting word that the Cold War never turned into anything.  Thank you, James Bond.
  
• Onto more recent news - since 1908, OJ Simpson "hasn't killed anyone" but has been successful in tarnishing his own reputation and the prestige that was once associated with White Ford Broncos (RIP).
• In the big picture - since 1908, the moon has moved approximately 4 meters further away from the earth.  I'm not even kidding - the earth is slowly transferring energy to the moon, and it gets further away...
  
• And finally, the greatest thing to happen to the world since the Cubs last won a World Series...  Al Gore invented the internet.  If you don't know what the world wide web is, please read the first sentence here.  That's just to clear up any confusion.

I'm glad the Yankees are back in the World Series.  Not because of their history or the fact that it's "good for the game," but just because I couldn't bear the thought of true fans like Jay-Z or 6 year old Johnny  all distraught for another year.

If anyone else has a couple good observations, feel free to comment...

Party in the U.S.A.

For all of you expecting another post about Kanye West, I apologize.  Unfortunately, that event happened too long ago and is no longer relevant to this blog.  The internet generation has a very small capacity for storage of information (hence the reason that Twitter posts are limited to 140 characters...  OH NO!  A PARAGRAPH!  WHAT NOW?!!!  I quit...).  So I've decided to keep it as current as possible so as not to strain your brains.  Then maybe I'll return to the Kanye topic and just skip to number one on the countdown.

Right now, the #3 song in the iTunes Top Ten is the Miley Cyrus song "Party in the U.S.A."  (If you haven't heard this song, you're either way too Indie/Scene, not American, or you're deaf.  Whatever the cause, please follow this link for the official music video - Party in the USA)  I've had this song stuck in my head all day due to its catchy-ness and general audio availability and thought it would be a good idea to analyze it - hopefully that will get it out of my cranial region.  Please find my analysis below.

Party in the U.S.A.

by Miley Cyrus 

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.

Welcome to the land of fame, excess. Whoa, am I gonna fit in?

My question is, what kind of cardigan are we talking about here, Miley?

 Are we talking this kind of cardigan?

Because that could make a big difference whether or not you fit in while in Los Angeles.

Jumped in the cab, here I am for the first time.

Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign.

These lines are straight up lies.

There's no way this is Miley Cyrus' first time in LA.

And the Hollywood sign is 15 miles from LAX.

This makes me question the validity of the rest of the song...

This is all so crazy.  Everybody seems so famous.

My tummy's turnin', and I'm feelin' kinda homesick.

Too much pressure, and I'm nervous.

Miley is from Nashville.  It's not like she's never seen famous people before.

I can understand why she's nervous, though.

She's alone, in Los Angeles, and Kobe Bryant has a history...

(too soon?)

On a side note, "My tummy's turnin'" is a great phrase.

That's when the taxi-man (also known as a cab driver) turned on the radio,

And the Jay-Z song was on (3X)

  First of all, this must be one HIP "taxi-man!"

The last couple times I've been in cabs, the music sounded more like this: Taxi Music 

And secondly, WHAT JAY-Z SONG WAS IT, MILEY?!

I NEED TO KNOW!

So I put my hands up, they're playin' my song.

The butterflies fly away.

Is this still in the cab?  Might be a little distracting to the "taxi-man."

These butterflies are not to be confused with Fireflies.

That's a different song.

I'm noddin' my head like "Yeah!"

Movin' my hips like "Yeah!"

Take that and rewind it back.
Miley's got the nod to make your booty go... (clap!)

 Got my hands up, they're (still) playin' my song.

I know I'm gonna be okay.

Yeah, it's a party in the U.S.A.

Yeah, it's a party in the U.S.A.

Miley Cyrus + Los Angeles + a taxi = nervous and homesick

Miley Cyrus + Los Angeles + a taxi + her song = Party in the U.S.A.

Very simple math.

 So hard with my girls not around me.

It's definitely not a Nashville party.

Wouldn't a "Nashville party" also be a Party in the U.S.A.?

I'm confused.

This song should probably be called "Party in L.A."

Wouldn't go with the beat though... try it.

'Cause all I see are stilettos.

I guess I never got the memo.
Memo to Miley: all the girls who party in L.A. look like skanks.

That cardigan won't fly...

My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda homesick.

Too much pressure and I'm nervous.

That's when the DJ dropped my favorite tune,

And the Britney song was on (3X)

What would happen if Jay-Z and Britney did a song together?

I don't think Miley could handle it.

It would be an Extravaganza in the U.S.A.

Feel like hoppin' on a flight, on a flight.

Back to my hometown tonight, town tonight.

 Well, Southwest has the Wanna Get Away deal for $169 from LAX to Nashville.

Book it, Miley!  Book it now!

 Somethin' stops me every time, every time.

The DJ plays my song, and I feel alright.

Good think that DJ is always ON TOP OF THINGS.

Him and the taxi-man have done a great job of keeping Miley in L.A.

Otherwise she'd be back in Nashville, where (apparently) you can't have a "Party in the U.S.A."

Things I got from this song: (1) Miley Cyrus is very nervous when not in her hometown.  Maybe Hannah Montana is a little more open to the rest of the world. (2) Cab drivers are called taxi-men in Nashville, and like popular music in LA. (3) Girls in L.A. wear stilettos and don't send out memos.

Everyone feel free to have your own Party in the U.S.A.!  One of the great things about freedom - PARTIES!