Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Couple Things on Awkward, Vol. 2

In this blog, intolerance will NOT be tolerated.  Entiendes?  (that means "do you understand?" in Spanish)

Just as last time, I believe that the blog-reading world needs a couple (more) conversation boosters to help out the less-fortunate.  It's the Christmas season, and I'm feeling in the giving mood.  Some of these "boosters" I've tested in real-life settings - consider them tried and true.  The others are experimental and should be attempted with caution (I would like some feedback on them, though).  These ratings are included below.

1.  Let's say that you are on the verge of an awkward situation between you and a member of the opposite sex (preferably someone you don't know at all).  I can't specify the situation, but there's a good chance you will know it when it is happening.  Keep this phrase in mind - "Are we dating?"  This hasn't happened to me, and I haven't used it on anyone else.  It did happen to my girlfriend, which initially made me upset, but upon further review it was pretty hilarious.  Now, this might not be funny to the other person, but I guarantee you will think it's great if used correctly.  This phrase is rated EXPERIMENTAL.
Girl and guy are walking next to one another in step.
Girl glances at guy and notices that they have similar styles.
Trying not to be awkward, she shoots him a smile.
He's not interested, but waits a second and says, "Are we dating?"
Girl looks back confused and embarrassed, "Ummm, no!"
Guy responds, "See you tomorrow!!"
note: (always try to double up the suggested phrases as the witty young man above has done)

2. In this globalized, culture-aware generation, who wants to sound "narrow-minded"?  That is possibly the biggest insult that one can receive (about the same as "intolerant").  To prevent against this, World Wide Wilson suggests the introduction of foreign language phrases, followed by immediate translations, into daily conversation.  This has its best effect if these phrases are ones of which everyone is aware of their definition (usually Spanish).  Make sure to translate immediately and also alert everyone to the fact that you just spoke in a foreign language.  This suggestion is rated TRIED AND TRUE.
[Example 1]
Tara: So, Andrew, what did you think of the food at that restaurant?
Andrew: The food?  It was muy bien!  That means "very good" (pause) in Spanish!
Tara: Oh Andrew, you're so cultured!
[Example 2]
Tom: Jim, did you turn in our project on time?
Jim: Yeah, I was there 15 minutes early.
Tom: Jim, Muchas gracias!  Translated as "Thanks a lot!" It's a Spanish phrase.
Jim: I wish I knew foreign languages!

3. I hate it when people ask me questions to which they already know the answer.  (I also hate it when people end sentences with prepositions, hence the "to which" in the previous sentence instead of "know the answer to," but that's besides the point).  So if this situation is ever encountered, answer with an obviously wrong answer whether or not you know the right answer.  When corrected, respond with "Um, that's what I just said."  Stick by the fact that you answered correctly, no matter what.  This suggestion rated TRIED AND TRUE.
Person A: "Hey, do you even know who won the Super Bowl last year?"
Person B: "HA, yeah it was the Giants!"
Person A: "No.  You're dumb.  It was the Steelers!"
Person B: "Um, that's what I just said.  The Pittsburgh Steelers."
Person A: "You said the Giants."
Person B: "SHUT UP!  You seriously need to shut up."

4. People are big fans these days of the Awkward Turtle as a way to dispel (or bring attention to) awkward situations.  I've always wanted to try the "Awkward Middle Fingers," partially because I want to see what would happen and partially because I hate the Awkward Turtle.  In any situation that you would have previously used the Awkward Turtle, try the Awkward Middle Fingers.  I'm pretty sure that this would effectively dispel an awkward situation due to the other person/people being insulted and then forgetting about the awkwardness - but wasn't that the point anyways?  Be careful, though, as this suggestion is rated EXPERIMENTAL.  Please let me know how it goes if you try this, though!
Person A: So that girl I met at the party last night was SUPER annoying!
Person B: That girl was my sister...
Person A: Ummm. (perform awkward middle fingers) Awkward Middle Fingers!!
Person B: What?!  Did you just flick me off?  What were we talking about again?
Person A: Eh, I don't remember.
(This is an ideal situation that doesn't lead to someone getting punched)

Always remember - there is a lull in any conversation every 8 minutes!  It's up to you to keep it going!