Tuesday, October 6, 2009

(Insert Name Here) > (Obama + Oprah + Daley)

Coach Ditka vs. The Hurricane, who would win?
Hold on.  The name of the hurricane is Hurricane Ditka!

These 10 people would have had a more positive effect on the Chicago Olympic bid (R.I.P.) than the group that we sent over there.  Who is Oprah?  Sounds more like another name for a killer whale to me...

10) Anyone and everyone from Fall Out Boy: I mean, think about it.  All these athletes are young.  They can probably sing Fall Out Boy songs by memory.  No one can quote an Oprah show by memory.  Fall Out Boy even sings a song about Chicago.  It's called "Chicago Is So Two Years Ago," but they could have changed the name of it to "Chicago Is So Nine Years from Now." (FOB) > (O+O+D)

9) Ron Santo: But this means that we would have to sent Pat Hughes too, because Ron just echoes everything Pat says.  "You're exactly right, Pat."  If he can't get into the Hall of Fame after a great career and losing two legs to diabetes, the least we could do is use the charm that keeps him on WGN Radio to get the Olympics. (RS) > (O+O+D)

8) Prince Peter of Yugoslavia: Yeah, you guessed it.  The Prince of Yugoslavia was born in Chicago.  It would have been great if he was there, adding some international flavor to the scene.  The IOC would have LOVED it.  Yugoslavia is never going to get the games, Peter, so you might as well help us out. (PPY) > (O+O+D)

7) Michael Jordan: The whole point of the Olympics, supposedly, was to help make Chicago a more globally recognized city.  Ummm... I think Michael Jordan already did that back in the 90s.  Who is more of an icon than Michael Jordan?  He's this far down on the list, though, because I could possibly see this coming out of his mouth - "Since I'm the greatest man alive, and I've beaten every other nation in basketball single-handedly, I thought it would be good to invite you all to Chicago so I can remind you, while you're there, that I'm better than you.  I'm STILL better than all of you." (MJ) > (O+O+D)

6) Kanye West: We could have waited till they announced that Rio won, and then sent Kanye up...  "Hold up, man.  I'll let you finish, but I just have to say that CHICAGO IS THE BEST CITY IN THE WORRRLLDDD!  Ya'll don't understand, man.  We got a bunch of sports, and I used to live there, and ummm...  Man, I'm really drunk." (KW) > (O+O+D), kind of.

5) Harrison Ford:  This isn't even a competition.  Harrison Ford did more as President in the movie Air Force One than Obama has during his actual Presidency.  And Harrison Ford defeated the Nazis, the Empire, and Irish terrorists.  (HF) > (O+O+D)

4) Bill Murray: Classic Chicago.  I would have said Jon Belushi or Chris Farley, but they both OD'ed on drugs.  Lesson here - if you're really funny, and you're from Chicago, stay the "H" away from drugs.  Bill Murray did it, and he's still really funny, so he should have gone to Copenhagen. (BM) > (O+O+D)

3) Michael Phelps: Okay, okay, I know he's not from Chicago.  But that's how bad I wouldn't have wanted Oprah there.  NO ONE OVERSEAS EVEN WATCHES OPRAH!  That's like sending a soccer player to America and hoping, just hoping, someone here has seen him on SportsCenter. (MP) > (O+O+D)

2) Steve Bartman: PITY US!  PLEASE! (SB) > (O+O+D)

1) Mike Ditka (with classic BEARS sweater vest, as seen above) :
Me, "Let's say the odds are 2782:1 for the Olympics in Chicago.  Who are you betting on?"
Bill Swerski, "Is Ditka going ta be dere?"
Me, "Well, based on this list it looks like it."
Bill Swerski, "I'll put $10,000 on Chicago.  Da Bears!"
(MD) > (O+O+D)

Next list tomorrow night - the top 10 people that I would love to see Kanye West interrupt during a public speech.